31 July 2008
Scuba
One time I farted so hard my scuba suit inflated, I rose into the air and floated on the jet stream, eventually landing on a remote island in the Pacific where I survived for years on a diet of wild boar and coconut milk until one day, inexplicably, I farted so hard that I wound up back home.
30 July 2008
Postal Service
One time I farted so hard it forwarded four weeks of my mail to Ginny Dresden of Nampa, Idaho.
24 July 2008
Planetary Dynamics
One time I farted so hard I stopped the earth's rotation and started it spinning in the opposite direction. Millions of Australians got confused when their toilet flushes started swirling in a clockwise fashion.
23 July 2008
Leisure
One time I farted so hard my swimming pool evaporated. I'm not talking about just the water in the pool, either.
22 July 2008
Bowling
One time I farted so hard my bowling ball shot back down the ball return and got me another 7 - 10 split.
19 July 2008
SMCRA
One time I farted so hard I was subject to the Surface Mining Control and Reclamation Act of 1977.
17 July 2008
16 July 2008
12 July 2008
11 July 2008
Home Decor
One time I farted so hard the banister I was sliding down got cauterized to my ass. Now people call me cauterized-banister-ass.
10 July 2008
Orbit
One time I farted so hard I blew my underpants into a permanent orbit around the earth. On clear nights in the Midwest, you can see them pass by about 3 degrees below Ursa Major just after dark.
Public Transportation Part 2
One time when I was riding the "El" to work, I farted so hard the train derailed.
09 July 2008
Lunch Time
One time I farted so hard my crunchy peanut butter sandwich became a creamy peanut butter sandwich.
08 July 2008
07 July 2008
06 July 2008
05 July 2008
Art
One time I farted so hard I stained the wall, which was kindly reviewed by New York magazine critic Jerry Saltz as a "seminal piece of Americana."
03 July 2008
Global warming
One time I farted so hard I shifted the earth's orbit slightly closer to the sun, hence the melting polar ice caps.
July 4th
One time I farted so hard they canceled the 4th of July fireworks because they couldn't compete with my fart.
Public Transportation
One time I farted so hard all of the bus routes in the city got re-routed to the alley behind the old kerosene factory.
01 July 2008
Lord of the Rings
One time I farted so hard I destroyed the One ring to rule them all - and countless innocent Hobbits.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
